Wario and Waluigi
by lord-of-all-kobuns
Summary: Wario and Waluigi go on loads of CRAAAAZY adventures involving video games, movies, and random treasures. Rated Kplus because of comic mischief and crude language. Please Review.
1. To the SKIES!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these guys in my story, OK? OK. Glad that's sorted out.

One day, Wario was at home. He was thinking about the treasure he had just bought. The guy who sold it to him had called it an Arwing. He had warned Wario to be very careful with it. "Bah!" Wario had said, and paid for the treasure.

Well, at this very moment Wario was in his favorite armchair thinking. He wanted to see what the Arwing did, but he didn't want to get cursed. Treasure usually curses you, you see. Wario ate a garlic covered pie, thinking. He really wanted to try it out. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Wario went to answer it.

A voice came through the window. "Open up, Wario! I'm back from shopping, and I want a word with you!" It was Waluigi, Wario's brother. Wario let him in. "What's up, Waluigi?" Wario asked.

"You should ask! I've been looking for you! I just saw this guy who said you bought something from him!"

"Yeah, I did. He called it an Arwing."

"Well, I've been investigating, and I found that some guy's been lifting ships from planet Corneria."

"Where the heck is Corneria?"

"Up in the sky, moron!"

"So what does this have to do with me?"

"Idiot! That's a spaceship you bought!"

Wario thought for a minute.

"Well, let's go for a ride!"

Ten seconds later, Wario and Waluigi were soaring in the sky, shooting down birds.

"WAHAAAAAA!" Wario bellowed. "THIS IS GREAT!"

"GO OVER THERE AND LAND ON THAT THING THAT LOOKS LIKE A SPACE-TIME WARP!" Waluigi roared.

They dipped to a swirly thing that looked like a space-time warp. Soon, they found that the reason it looked like a space-time warp was because it WAS a space-time warp. They zoomed through a colorful tunnel, landing on top of a factory.

"Well, this is a fine mess you've landed us in," grumbled Waluigi.

"You're the one who said we should land on the warp," Wario retorted.

He started to say something else, but quickly stopped. A guy wielding a baseball bat passed by, followed by a police car and some generic thugs.

"Oh man…" Wario breathed.

"What?" Waluigi asked.

"We're in Streets of Rage." Wario said, his face blanching.

"You, Axel!" yelled a voice, making the Wario Bros. jump.

"What, Murphy?" the vigilante yelled back.

"There's some weirdos in a spaceship on top of Mr. X's factory over there!" The policeman was talking to the vigilante while gesturing toward the Wario Bros.

"AGGGH!" yelled Wario. "Hit that button on the dashboard!"

Waluigi hit the button. At once, a bomb flew out of the nose of the Arwing and into the factory.

KABOOOOOOOM!

"RUN!" yelled Waluigi, and throttled the ship into the sky. They traveled away from the exploding factory and into another space-time warp.

They jetted through another tunnel and landed at the foot of a mountain. A dwarf in green carrying a large axe raced past them.

It was Waluigi's turn to blanch. "We're in Golden Axe, now."

"This is ridiculous!" yelled Wario, and hit the "Get me out of here!" button. The Arwing flew back to the Mushroom Kingdom, landing in the kitchen in the Mushroom Kingdom's best restaurant, Toadetteland. So, the Wario Bros. went home, hoping that tomorrow they'd be able to get a better treasure than that Arwing.


	2. The Triangles of Power

The next day, Wario and Waluigi stole a weird gold triangle. Inscribed around the edges were the words "T®ø®ç´"

"I can read Hylian," said Waluigi. "It says 'Triforce'."

"What's a Triforce?"

"How should I know, stupid? It doesn't say!"

"Pick it up, Waluigi, so we can see what it does!"

Waluigi picked the Triforce up, and they were immediately whisked away into a dark room, standing on a platform and surrounded by people.

"What are they?" asked a green-haired girl.

"I don't know, Saria," said an older woman with sharp features.

"Let's kick them," said a weird rock-type creature.

"Shut up, Darunia," said Saria.

"Hey! Don't we get a say in this?" asked Waluigi, indignantly.

There was a collective gasp around the room.

"They talk!" exclaimed Darunia.

"Of course they do," said a girl in desert-type clothing. "They're humans with odd proportions."

"Let's throw them off the platform," said a fish girl.

"Wha-? No!" Wario stuttered.

"SILENCE!" said an old man.

Everyone looked at him.

"We should put them on the trial of the Sages."

Everyone agreed.

"So, let's begin!" he roared.

The temple dissolved into a courtroom. The Wario Bros. were seated in chairs, bound in chains.

"I am Rauru," the old man said. "How did you arrive?"

"Well, we found a triangular gold thing called a Triforce," Wario began, but was cut off by a roar from Darunia.

"THEY HAVE DEFILED THE SACRED TREASURE!" Darunia screamed.

"Be silent!" commanded Rauru. "We will hear them out."

"After we brought it home," Wario continued, "Waluigi picked it up to look at it. After he picked it up, we were transported here!"

"Hmm…This is interesting," Rauru said. "How did you find the Triforce?"

"We found it inside a sort of shrine thing," said Waluigi, nervously.

"A shrine? Did it have stone arches across the entranceway?" asked Rauru.

"Yep! It had Hylian all over the door, too!" exclaimed Waluigi.

"What did it say?" asked Rauru, his eyes narrowed.

"Well," said Waluigi, trying to remember. "It said He Who Disturbs the Triforce Will Be Tried By The Sages…oops…" Waluigi's eyes widened.

Wario groaned. "You idiot…" he muttered.

"THEY MUST PAY THE CONSEQUENCES!" roared Darunia.

"NO!" Rauru bellowed. Darunia fell silent.

"Now, tell me when you learned Hylian," Rauru asked Waluigi.

"Well, I'm not sure…I remember not making any sense of the letters on the door at the time…"

Suddenly, Wario gasped. He had the Triforce in his pocket! "Come on, Waluigi!" he yelled, and jammed the Triforce in Waluigi's hand.

"No! No! No!" cried Saria.

The Wario Bros. were whisked back into their house.

"I'm never going to steal again," said Wario, panting. He looked at Waluigi, and promptly burst out laughing. Tomorrow should be an interesting day, indeed.


	3. Lightsabers

The Wario Bros. decided to do something a little different today. They decided to go for a walk in the woods. Well, the only reason they did this was because their N64 was broken.

"Aw man, what a rip-off!" Wario complained.

"We only got it ten years ago!" Waluigi grumbled.

"Well, let's go for a walk in the woods and steal something," Wario suggested.

So, they went for a walk in the woods.

"Hey Wario," Waluigi said, grinning.

"We don't have a bucket!"

"If you say anything about Wario's Woods, I'll kill you," Wario replied.

They walked along in silence. Suddenly, Waluigi tripped.

"OW!" he cried.

"Klutz! What did you trip on?" Wario asked.

"These!" Waluigi held up two silver tubes.

"Give me one of those!" Wario said, and snatched a tube from Waluigi's hands.

Wario inspected the tube, and noticed a button on the side. Holding the tube at arm's length, he pressed the button. Instantly, a yellow sword of light materialized at the end of the tube.

"Woah! Let me try!" Waluigi said, excitedly, and pressed the button on his tube. A purple light-sword materialized at the end of his tube.

"Let's go attack the Mario Bros.!" Wario said, struck by a sudden idea.

"Yes! Finally, I can get my revenge against Luigi!" Waluigi cried, a sadistic grin on his face.

So, they went to Mario and Luigi's house. When Wario knocked on the door, a voice told them to identify themselves.

"We're the Wario Bros.!" Wario said, "And we'd like a word with Mario!"

"Oh?" the voice said. "Well, Master Luigi says that he's got something for you."

The Wario Bros. suddenly found that the ground beneath their feet had fallen away, dropping them into a space-time warp.

"WAUGH!" Waluigi cried, falling.

"AUGH!" Wario cried, falling as well.

They fell for a long time, landing in a spaceship.

"Oh no," Wario groaned. "We're in another spaceship."

"We never get a break, do we?" Waluigi sighed.

"I have you now," a robotic voice said, out of nowhere.

A tall man dressed in all black stood before them. He had a robot helmet covering his head, a cloak on his shoulders, and completely black clothes.

"WAUGH!" Waluigi cried. He seemed to be saying this a lot lately.

"You will never escape! You are powerless against I, the legendary Darth Vader!" Darth Vader said.

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that!" Wario said. "Let's go, Waluigi! Get out your light-sword!"

Waluigi nodded his head, and drew his light-sword-tube out. Wario did likewise.

"Wha- how? How do you have the lightsabers?" Darth Vader cried. He sounded slightly scared.

"Well," Wario explained. "We went for a walk in the woods, and my clumsy brother tripped over them."

"Ah…I see…" Darth Vader said, with a strange air. "I ask you, how would you like to be part of my empire?"

"Your what?" Wario asked.

"My empire of darkness," Darth Vader said, impressively. "Everyone will be as evil as they want to be, and nothing will be done to stop it!"

"That's where you're wrong," Wario said, as though he was simply pointing out a problem in an experiment. "You see, if people were allowed to be evil, the challenge of life would be gone!"

"That's right," Waluigi agreed. "Life would be no fun at all."

Darth Vader thought about this for a minute. When he looked up, the Wario Bros. were gone.

"CURSE YOU, WARIO BROTHERRRRS!" he screamed.

Meanwhile, the Wario Bros. were dashing toward the control room. When they reached it, they sliced the robot pilots up, and took control.

"All we have to do," Waluigi explained

"Is crash it into something large."

"Like that brick wall over there?" Wario asked.

"Exactly."

Waluigi deftly steered the ship into the direction of a large brick wall.

"I've driven a crane and won races with it, so this is easy."

Wario and Waluigi programmed the autopilot so that no one could change its course, then they used the teleporter to go back to the Mushroom Kingdom. As they disappeared, the large ship crashed into the wall, causing the most spectacular crash in the history of the universe.


	4. Henshin a gogo, baby!

Wario and Waluigi decided to go to the movies. After seeing Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, the Wario Bros. agreed that that was the worst movie ever made. They got up to leave, when a large hand grabbed them and pulled them into the screen!

"WAUGH!" Wario cried. Waluigi was yelling as well. Then, it stopped.

"What was that about?" Waluigi asked.

"Welcome to Movieland," a voice said, impressively. A superhero in blue descended from the sky. "To transform into Extreme Wario and Awesome Waluigi, you must say the magic words. They are "Henshin a go-go, baby".

"Those are the stupidest magic words ever," Wario grumbled.

"Sorry boys, it's the director's fault," said the blue superhero, and ran off.

"Henshin a go-go, baby," said the Wario Bros., wincing as the extremely stupid magic words passed their lips.

Nothing happened, except that Wario wore red overalls and a blue shirt, and Waluigi wore a green shirt instead of his usual black.

"Well, that was stupid," Waluigi said. "Look at my clothes clashing."

"I look like Mario! Well, maybe something cool will happen," Wario said. He jumped into the air.

"Maybe, if I say "Slow", I'll get super powers."

As Wario said "slow", the world slowed down. Wario did a flip, landing smoothly.

"That was great!" Waluigi said. "Maybe saying fast will do something, too."

Waluigi split into six, moving faster than the speed of light.

"Come on!" said Waluigi, and the Wario Bros. went into mach speed, blasting through fifty robots, bursting through the screen and back into the real world.

"Aww man, I'm not fast anymore," Wario complained.

They went home to relax, and to hope that they would never go into Movieland again.


	5. Yar Har Har

The Wario Bros. had hit the jackpot. They went to push Mario off the pier so the Cheep-Cheeps and Bloobers would eat him, when they spotted a pirate ship.

"There's got to be loads of treasure on board!" Wario said, a greedy glint in his eye.

So, the Wario Bros. dumped Mario on the dock, and hopped aboard. They headed to the treasure bay, and found the largest haul of gold ever.

"WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?" boomed a genial voice behind them.

"Yipe!" Waluigi ducked behind a large pile of Aztec gold.

"Now, now! No need to be afraid!" the voice boomed. "I'm a nice captain, so I'll let you off easy!"

"Oh, w-well, th-that's good," Wario chattered.

"You must listen to my monthly recital!" the captain yelled, making sound as though the Wario Bros. would be given a million dollars and a lifetime supply of chocolate.

So that's how the Wario Bros. got tied to a chair in the Pirate Auditorium.

"I, Captain Bludgeon, will treat you to my rendition of The Pirate Song!" roared Captain Bludgeon to tumultuous applause.

"HNNNG! GNHE!" Wario struggled against the ropes holding him.

"Now, the moment you've been waiting for!" roared Captain Bludgeon. "THE PIRATE SONG!"

"HNNNNG! HNNNNNNNNG!" Waluigi was trying to get free, but his efforts were in vain.

"Yar-har, Fiddle-dee-dee! Being a pirate is the way to be! Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free! YOU ARE A PIRATE!"

On and on it went, until the Wario Bros. were half-dead. Finally, Captain Bludgeon let them go, and they went home. Before falling asleep, Wario remarked that his ears will never be the same again.


	6. Uneasy Rider

Wario hadn't slept very well. He had eaten some bad garlic before he went to bed, and it had disagreed with him.

"Wrngh…I hve fd psnng…" he groaned to Waluigi.

"Well, maybe a ride on your motorcycle will help," Waluigi suggested.

"Ungh…wll mybe I shld…" Wario moaned.

So, he hopped on his bike (Well, he sort of struggled on it) and started down the road. Faster and faster he went, until he could go no faster and he crashed into a wall.

"Where am I?" he wondered, looking around.

He was on the outside of a large shrine, where Mario and Samus were fighting.

"Hi guys!" said Wario, feeling better.

"Hi, Wari- wait….WHAT?" Mario exclaimed. He couldn't believe Wario was being nice.

"I wasn't talking to YOU!" Wario exclaimed. "I was talking to that hot girl in the blue jumpsuit!"

"Oh?" asked Samus.

"YES!" Wario yelled.

"Well, you'll never get me if you act like THAT!" Samus said.

Suddenly, Wario didn't feel well again.

"NNNNG!" Wario groaned, knowing that this would be the garlic's last hurrah.

"NNNGH! I GN BLW!" Wario said, his rear end starting to smoke.

"ARRRRRGH! RUN!" Mario screamed, and took off running with Samus.

**KERBOOOOOOOM!**

Wario let loose a blast of gas about as strong as most nuclear bombs.

"Ahhhh…" Wario sighed. "I feel so much better."

Mario and Samus had been knocked out.

"Well, that's it, then!" Wario said. He felt very happy all of a sudden. It was time to go home. He zoomed back to his house on his motorcycle. He passed a cardboard box, singing the song from "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous".

Inside the box, a man crouched inside. He had seen all. He picked up his cell phone and made a call.

"Hello, Snake," said Otacon's voice at the other end of the phone.

"Hello, Otacon," said the man in the box.

"I was wondering," Otacon said. "Are you familiar with the Super Smash Bros. Tournament?"

"I am."

"Well, we've received an invitation for you to join."

"I see…"

"Where are you, anyway?"

"I'm on…recon duty."

"Recon duty?"

"You have to know your enemies if you want to beat them."

Snake ripped the box off his head and stepped out towards Mario and Samus.

At Wario's house, Waluigi was enjoying Wario's absence. It was nice to watch whatever you wanted on TV without his brother changing the channel. There was a knock on the door, so Waluigi went to answer it.

"Hey, Waluigi," Wario said, grinning.

"Hey, Wario! You're feeling better, then?"

"Yep. I knocked Mario out."

Waluigi knew that, if he didn't want to lose his lunch, it wouldn't be a good idea to ask Wario exactly how he knocked Mario out.

"What's up, Waluigi?" Wario asked.

"Nothing." Waluigi answered, and went back to watch TV.


	7. ROB Returns

Waluigi had just bought a new NES Deluxe Set. He had went shopping to replace the N64 (the one that broke in Chapter Three) with a new one. On his way, he saw an NES Deluxe Set in the window of a shop. It was on sale for $20, and it came with a copy of Mike Tyson's PUNCH-OUT, a standard controller, an arcade stick, and a R.O.B. with Gyromite attachments.

"AWESOME!" Waluigi exclaimed. "I've been looking everywhere for this!"

He bought the Deluxe Set and a new N64, and went home.

"Did you get it?" Wario asked when he saw Waluigi coming up the path.

"Yep! I got an NES Deluxe Set, too!"

Waluigi couldn't wait to hook up his NES and play Gyromite with Wario.

Wario was looking at the NES Deluxe Set.

"Where'd you get this stuff?" he asked Waluigi.

"Some store near the pizza place."

"How much was it all?"

"Including the N64, it was fifty bucks."

"THAT'S INCREDIBLE!" Wario cried, the cheapskate in him celebrating.

Waluigi really wanted to try R.O.B. out.

"Can we play Gyromite yet?" he asked.

"Of course, stupid! You don't need MY permission!" Wario exclaimed, still really happy.

"I wonder why it was so cheap?" Waluigi asked, plugging the NES in and assembling R.O.B.

As the power was switched on, the Gyromite title screen appeared on the TV.

"We'll need to calibrate it," Wario observed.

"OK," Waluigi replied, going to Test mode.

After calibrating R.O.B., they found exactly why it was so cheap. R.O.B. grew about ten times his size, became articulate, and started to talk.

"GrEeTiNgS hUmAnS!" R.O.B. said in a stereotypical robot voice.

"THIS IS SO COOL!" the Wario Bros. shouted together.

"I hAvE cOmE tO sErVe YoU hUmAnS!" R.O.B. said with an attitude of creeping servility.

"Well then, R.O.B.," Wario said, warily. "Could you make me a tuna sandwich?"

"My PlEaSuRe!" R.O.B. said, and trundled off to make a tuna sandwich for Wario.

"WoUlD yOu LiKe A pIcKlE?" R.O.B. asked.

"Erm…sure!" Wario answered.

R.O.B. gave Wario his sandwich and went to the middle of the room.

"HuMaNs, YoU hAvE cAlLeD mE, aNd NoW yOu mUsT pAy!"

R.O.B. started to flail his arms and move around.

"Oy! Wait! Stop!" Waluigi yelled, trying to stop R.O.B.

Wario ate his sandwich.

Waluigi started to play Gyromite, thinking that he might as well play videogames one last time. The screen flashed green.

"WHIRRRRRR!" R.O.B. stopped moving around.

Waluigi pressed down, trying to open the blue gate for Hector.

"BRZZZP!" R.O.B. moved his arms sideways, gripping the Gyromite in his base and moving it to depress the blue switch.

Waluigi got an idea. He went to Test mode.

"Wario! Get a flashlight and turn it on and off rapidly!"

Wario grabbed a flashlight and followed Waluigi's instructions.

"BlxZxZORD!" R.O.B. said, jerking around wildly.

Waluigi started to press buttons like mad, causing the screen to flash with a rapidity that would give seizures to epileptics.

"WRMPH! GRONKNT! BZZZZZRPPPPP!" R.O.B. made noises that would split the ears of the groundlings and cause millions of fanboys to point out the reference to Shakespeare in my pathetic story.

R.O.B. shrunk to a normal size, somehow fixing the damage he did to the house.

"Waluigi," Wario said.

"Yes?"

"It's no wonder R.O.B. wasn't very popular."

Waluigi looked at Wario, and burst out laughing.

So, R.O.B. now rests on Waluigi's desk in his room. The Wario Bros. still play with the NES, and they've found out that you don't even need R.O.B. to play Gyromite, so they still have fun with that game, but R.O.B. is permanently out of action.


	8. NEGATORY Part 1

Waluigi was out getting some pizza. Wario was out getting some Chinese food. Both of them were bored. Nothing had happened in their lives for a while. It had been two weeks since R.O.B. tried to destroy their house, and nothing noteworthy had happened since. The closest thing to "interesting" that had happened in their town was Mario getting stuck in a pipe. Apparently, someone hap put superglue in the rim, and Mario had to use his Shell Phone to call the Mushroom Kingdom Fire Department to get him un-stuck. The Wario Bros. SWORE they couldn't have had ANYTHING to do with it because they were at home, playing Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Yes, things had been slow in the Mushroom Kingdom, and the Wario Bros. were completely and totally bored.

"There's nothing to do!" Wario exclaimed one evening.

"Yeah…I know," Waluigi sighed.

"Well, we should make our own fun," Wario said, an idea blossoming in his head.

"So what's your great idea?" Waluigi asked, seeing Wario's eyes light up.

"Crygor!" Wario cried out.

Waluigi stared at him. Suddenly, he realized what Wario meant.

"What are we waiting for?" he cried, jumping up to his feet. "Let's GO!"

The Wario Bros. ran to Waluigi's crane (Wario's motorbike was at the car wash) and zoomed down the street to Dr. Crygor's house.

When they arrived, they found Crygor in his living room playing Gyromite.

"Oh, hello boys!" Crygor said, jumping up to get sodas.

"Hi," Wario and Waluigi replied. Waluigi was looking at the NES that Crygor was using to play Gyromite. Attached to it was something that looked like R.O.B., but it was somehow…different.

"You like it?" Crygor asked. He put the sodas on the table. "It's my special model. His name is R.O.N."

"R.O.N.?" Wario asked, struggling to keep a straight face.

"Yep! I made him myself. He plugs straight into the NES and can relay instructions back to the game!"

"Wow," Waluigi said, enthusiastically.

"So," Wario said, "How is this better than R.O.B.?"

"Are you serious?" Crygor asked. "It's way better! It has more functions, it stops cheaters, and it is better all around!"

"I see…" Waluigi said, thoughtfully.

"Would you like one? I read the story in the paper about that maniacal mechanical menace." Crygor certainly had a way with words.

"Erm…sure!" Waluigi said, and caught the R.O.N. that crygor tossed to him. There was a large box full of them.

"What did you want to see me about?" Crygor asked, leaning back in his favorite chair.

"Well, Crygor, things have been really slow in the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Yes, I know. It's a pity…"

"Well, Waluigi and I have been so bored that we tried to invent a cannon using a wristwatch, two potatoes, and a Super Scope."

"Ah, I see. Did it work?"

"No."

"Hmmm…"

Waluigi jumped in.

"That's why we came to you, Crygor," he explained. "We were hoping you could give us something to make us less bored."

Crygor thought for a moment, and then stood up.

"I have just the thing," he said. "Come with me."

They walked through the house, reaching a large metal door with a keypad on it.

"Hang on," Crygor said, and pressed a bunch of numbers on the keypad. The door to Crygor's lab opened slowly and purposefully to reveal…a boring looking room with a couch in the center of it.

"What a letdown," Wario grumbled.

"Don't be so hasty, Wario," Crygor said with a smile, and pushed a button under the couch. Everything changed. The walls became smooth metal panels, the floor covered itself in a carpet the color of the walls, and tables raised themselves out of the floor, covered in science-y gadgets.

"Well, boys," Crygor said. "There you are."

The Wario Bros. couldn't speak. They just stood there with their mouths open, taking the entire scene in. Wario was the first to recover.

"WAAAAUGH!" he cried. He obviously hadn't regained the power of intelligent speech yet.

"GAAAAAAH!" Waluigi hadn't, either.

Crygor went over to a table and picked up a device that looked like a book.

"No way, Crygor," Wario cried. "I'm not THAT bored!"

"This isn't a real book," Crygor said, laughing. "This is a teleporter!"

"How does it work?" Waluigi asked.

"Well, you open it, name your destination, and POOF! You're there!"

Wario and Waluigi grinned evil grins. They couldn't wait to warp Luigi into the stratosphere.

"How much do you want for it?" Wario asked, getting his wallet out.

"It's free!" Crygor exclaimed.

Wario and Waluigi looked at each other again. This was GREAT! They took the teleporter and ran back to the crane.

"We don't need this!" Waluigi cried, and, taking the book, he grabbed the crane. Wario did the same.

"HOME!" Waluigi shouted, and off they zoomed. Five seconds later, they found themselves standing in their front yard.

"GAAAAAAH!" Wario said. He had lost the power to talk again.

Waluigi knew exactly what he meant.


	9. NEGATORY Part 2

Wario and Waluigi went into their living room. They played with the teleporter, warping to China, Brooklyn, the kitchen in the pizza place down the road, and to Mona's house to conduct some…erm…research.

"Where shall we go now?" Wario asked, no longer bored.

"Well…" Waluigi started to say. He hesitated.

"What?" Wario asked.

"I was thinking…what if we used this to enter a videogame?"

"We did that when we got the Arwing!" Wario yelled. "Remember what happened then?"

Waluigi remembered. Wario had gotten an Arwing from a shady tradesman. They tried to test it out and ended up in Streets of Rage.

"I still think we should do it," Walugi said, his voice slightly shaky.

"When we used the Arwing, we couldn't choose where we wanted to go. It would probably be different this time."

Wario agreed. He only had one thing to say.

"Where shall we go?"

Waluigi thought for a bit, and finally thought of the perfect answer.

"Here."

Wario couldn't believe his ears.

"What do you mean, here?" he asked, looking at Waluigi as though he had gone crazy.

Waluigi explained. "We could go to your company building, but in the past! We'd meet ourselves!"

Wario considered this. It would be interesting to meet himself.

"All right," he agreed, and grabbed the teleporter. With a cry of "Wario Ware, Inc., Feburary 31, 2006!" they were whisked away.

Before he opened his eyes, Waluigi could tell that something was wrong. Opening his eyes, Waluigi saw the strangest sight that would ever grace his vision. The world had gone completely insane.

"Ooog…" Wario groaned, sitting up.

"That just about describes it," Waluigi sighed.

They were sitting on a large field of purple grass. Well, it resembled grass. It felt like custard. Waluigi stood up.

"Why are we here, and not in the past?" he asked, looking around.

"Because we're idiots," Wario replied, also getting to his feet. "There is no February 31 in 2006."

Waluigi gawped at Wario. He couldn't believe how stupid they had been.

"Wario," Waluigi said.

"What?"

"31…that sounds familiar…"

"Hmmm…"

Wario thought that it sounded familiar as well. Suddenly, it struck him.

"Minus World," he gasped.

Waluigi turned to stare at him.

"Minus World…Oh, crap…"

They knew about the glitch. Mario was in some place underground, when he suddenly warped to an insane place where the world turned upside down. Mario was found in his house, babbling about some sort of Minus World.

"Incredible. That idiot was telling the truth."

Wario nodded his consent.

"We have a teleporter," Wario said.

"Right," Waluigi agreed.

"However, it would be more fun to explore this place," Wario said, the light of treasure dancing in his eyes.

The Wario Bros. Ran to the left. They darted past Goombas, Bloobers that swam in the air, and a severely screwed up Bowser that breathed hot chocolate as opposed to fire. Finally, they entered an upside-down castle. When they entered, Wario was struck with a sense of déjà vu.

"I've been here before, Waluigi," Wario said, his voice shaking.

"Have you?" Waluigi inquired.

"Yeah. I don't know how, but I was trying to get some treasure to build a house, and I somehow warped here while trying to escape a mine."

Waluigi stared around. The world had gone straight to hell. There were guillotines hanging on the walls, lava all over the floor, and enemies that popped out of nowhere! When Wario took a step forward, the floor crumbled and disappeared. It would be impossible to get across this place. Luckily for the Wario Bros., they had a teleporter. Waluigi opened it.

"Top floor, Minus World Castle!" he yelled, and they were warped to the top. They stared around.

"It's so…black!" Wario gasped.

It was true. Nothing could be seen. There was darkness everywhere, so complete and so dense that you couldn't even see your hand in front of your face. Suddenly, the lights switched on to reveal…nothing.

"Well, that sucked," Waluigi grumbled.

"Oh well," Wario sighed. "It was fun while it lasted."

Waluigi grabbed the teleporter, and warped them back to their house. The day had ended up being exciting, but the end had left a lot to be desired.


	10. SKEE BOP BA BA DOP BOP!

Wario was going to go crazy. Waluigi had played the same stupid song over and over and over again.

"SKEEE BOP BO BA DOP BOP! SKEE BOP BO BA DOP BOP!" Waluigi was bellowing along to the music.

"Waluigi…" Wario tried to say, but he was cut off.

"SKIBEE DIBBEE DING DONG BING BIDONG!" Waluigi continued to yell.

Wario tried again. "Look, could you…"

"DOWBDOW GDDOW BRRRRAM SKIBOP!" Waluigi was screaming at the top of his voice.

Wario gave up being nice. He marched into Waluigi's room and chucked the CD player out of the window.

"Oy! What did you do that for?" Waluigi cried.

"I'm sick of that stupid song!" Wario yelled right back.

"Well, you'll need to buy a new CD player, now!" Waluigi roared. "You just defenestrated ours!"

Wario thought for a bit.

"Let's just forget this," Wario said.

"OK," Waluigi replied.

They stood there for a bit.

"Let's see if we can go to 9-Volt's house," Waluigi suggested.

"OK!" Wario agreed, and they raced each other to 9-Volt's house.

"HA! I SO beat you!" Waluigi said.

"Hey, I'm just out of practice!" Wario complained. "I haven't driven my bike in a while!"

Waluigi sighed. There was no point arguing. They marched up to 9-Volt's house and knocked on the door. His mom answered the door.

"Wario! Waluigi! What a pleasant surprise!" she said.

They pushed past her and went to 9-Volt's room.

"Hey, guys!" 9-Volt greeted them.

"Yo," 9-Volt's best friend, 18-Volt, said.

"Hi," Wario and Waluigi greeted them.

"What brings you here?" 9-Volt asked.

"Well, Wario chucked our CD player out of the window because I was listening to Scatman John," Waluigi explained.

"I only threw it because he listened to it over and over and over and over and over again!" Wario interjected.

"Well, you guys can play games with us and forget about it!" 9-Volt exclaimed. "I got a new game! It's called Mortal Killer Super Smash Kombat Instinct Brothers!"

"Word," 18-Volt said.

"Sounds great," Wario said, and he grabbed a Wavebird and started to play.

"This is a filler chapter," Waluigi explained. "It'll get exciting again soon."

"Filler?" Wario asked.

"Yep," Waluigi replied.

"Well that's no fun!" Wario exclaimed, and slugged me in the face.

"Oy, narrator!" Wario cried

What do you want, Wario?

"I want something good to happen in this chapter!" he demanded.

Wario, you're breaking the fourth wall. You're not supposed to acknowledge that I'm dictating your every move. Oh well… I'll make something exciting happen…

"Good," Wario said, satisfied.

There was a flash of light from 9-Volt's turntable, and the Wario Bros. Were warped into the legendary Scatland.

"Scatland?" Wario cried. "What sort of place is that?"

Shut up and listen. Scatland is a legendary place where Scatman John lives. He made a song about it. It expressed the following theme: BA BOP BE BOP BA DE BOP BA DE! I'M CALLING OUT FROM SCATLAAAAAAND!

"So, he made a song about this fictional place called Scatland, and we're here now?" Wario asked.

That's about right.

"I hate Scatman John! Why did you warp us HERE, of all places?"

To spite you.

"I hate you, narrator."

The feeling is mutual, mate.

"Just get us home."

Fine. The Wario Bros. Suddenly found themselves back at their house. They blinked in the sunlight. This story sure lost a lot of steam in this chapter. Don't worry. It'll get better.

"Well," said Wario. "That was the weirdest day of my life."

It was your fault.

"Shut up," he snapped, and went inside to eat cake.

"Sorry about that," Waluigi muttered. "He's a bit strange sometimes."

He went inside his house, too.


	11. The Lord of the Things

NOTE: My friend Cory made this chapter. OK. Bye.

Wario and Waluigi were bored. Again. Fun things always came in periods in the kingdom. So, they had to go to the Arwing again. They hadn't used this thing in 10 chapters, so they figured they could take it for a spin. Unfortunately, when they pushed the start button, that's exactly what it did. Spin. Apparently, Something was wrong.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" They both cried. When the ship stopped, they were in the middle of a forest. Only problem was, it wasn't animated. It was real.

"Hey! I've seen this place before. We're in Lord of the Things!" said Waluigi

"You need to quit watching those late night parodies."

"Fringo!" someone yelled. Suddenly, Andyorgon, Leggins, and Gamely ran by. Leggins took shelter high in a tree, pulled out a frozen sparrow, cocked its legs, and fired icy beaks.

"I need to get some of those snow and sparrows." Wario cried.

Gamely spun, "You can E-mail it to me, or you can fax it!" He pressed a button on his side, and it fired several instant faxes.

Andyorgon spun and smacked enemies with his bat. Altogether, the enemy ulcers were falling like stomach aches. Andyorgon ran around to the fallen ulcers, "One, two, three, andyorgon!"

"Wario, were is the Arwing?" Waluigi asked.

"There! Through the forest, over the river, over the rocks, through the swamp, over the hill, past the cave, through the plains, up the volcano, and through the door." Sure enough, there was the Arwing.

"How the heck did you see that?" said Wario.

"Erm…"

Wario and Waluigi walked all the way to the Arwing. It rained, it snowed, it was dark, it was bright. Finally, they reached the Arwing. "Are you guys done?" Andyorgon shouted. "It took you half an hour to walk all six feet. They turned around and realized that they were standing on a large extended board game.

"Well, we can dream can't we?" the Wario Bros. Asked.

"Ca yu ge of o da gane oard?" the kid with the braces said.

"Oh, sorry." Wario said.

They took their Arwing gamepiece, and left the small shack.

"OK, lock 'em up." Waluigi said. Wario took his nailgun and nailed the door shut.

"That will hold them." He stated.

Then they went home, extremely creeped out.


	12. Hail to the King

Wario was angry. His idiot brother had bought a Power Glove off the Internet.

"Why did you get that piece of junk?" Wario asked, trying not to shout.

"It's a collector's piece! It's compatible with Mike Tyson's PUNCH-OUT!"

"I don't care! It's a waste of money!"

"Look at it! If it sucks, then we can use it to steal stuff!"

It certainly looked like a weapon. It was gray and black, covered in buttons, and wires stuck out of the back.

"Well, OK. Show me how it works with Punch-Out," Wario said.

Waluigi put Mike Tyson's Punch-Out in the machine, hooked up the receiver for the Power Glove, and turned it on.

Waluigi stuck his hand straight out in front of him, and punched Glass Joe in the face.

"Woah! That rocked!" Wario exclaimed.

"It's tiring, though," Waluigi panted.

Waluigi had some fun with Punch-Out, until Mike Tyson knocked him out with enough force to topple a few buildings.

"I don't think that Little Mac's getting up after that," Wario observed.

Waluigi sighed. "I can never beat Mike."

"Cheer up! Let's go for a ride!" Wario said, cuffing Waluigi on the shoulder.

"Where to?" Waluigi asked.

"Anywhere!" Wario cried, and, along with Waluigi, zoomed away on his motorcycle.

They traveled for a while, stopping at a rundown bar. A sign on the window said "Jolly Jackal". Actually, most of the sign's lights had burnt out, so it really said "ackel".

"Why are we here?" Waluigi asked.

"You'll see," Wario said, mysteriously, and entered the bar.

There were two Russian men talking to a guy in a suit. They handed him a briefcase that looked like it contained a fancy garbage disposal. At the bar, there was one customer, drinking beer and watching Jerry Springer.

"So, Mr. Herk," one of the Russian men said. "You are taking the bomb?"

"Yes."

The Russians noticed Wario and Waluigi standing in the entranceway. They hurried over to them.

"Vhat do you vant, Vario?" one of them asked.

"I want a space-time warp!" Wario exclaimed.

"Certainly, Vario," another Russian replied.

They disappeared into the back room and called for the beer drinker to help them carry the warp. Wario grabbed it greedily.

"Vhat about payment?" One of the Russians asked.

Wario shoved the keys to the Arwing in the Russian's hands. "Keep it," Wario told him. "It's parked in the garage of the house. Press the green button, and it'll come."

The Russians thanked him, and the Wario Bros. Zoomed through the space-time warp.

They landed in a bustling town. The streets were lined with stalls, and every other building seemed to be a bar. All around there were shouts of "Stop, thief! No, not you! The other thief!"

"I could get used to this!" Waluigi said, happy again.

"Don't! We're here for one reason," Wario said, looking around. "Ah!"

He had spotted a boy leaping around from stall to stall. Waluigi was pretty good at stealing things himself, but this boy blew him and Wario out of the water. This boy was a master of his profession.

Waluigi stood there, openmouthed. They couldn't even tell when the boy stole something. He just walked up to the stall, asked the price of some artifact, and the next moment, there were things missing.

"Wha-b-b-b-b-b-b…" Waluigi couldn't speak. It was that amazing.

"He's incredible, isn't he?" Wario was looking at Waluigi.

"It's impossible!" Waluigi gasped, still staring at the boy.

"That, Waluigi, is the King of Bandits: Jing," Wario explained.

He had certainly earned that title. His pockets were full of gold and treasure.

Jing looked around and caught sight of the Wario Bros. He waved at them.

"Hey, guys!" he called, walking over to them. "Stolen anything good lately?"

"Well, we stole a nailgun," Wario said.

"What did you want with that?" Jing asked.

"We needed to nail a shed door shut," Waluigi explained.

"Well," said a new voice. "What's the point of that?" An albatross poked his head out from behind Jing.

"We needed to lock up some weirdos in a life-size board game, Kir," Wario mumbled, looking at the ground. Kir always made him feel uncomfortable.

"Hey, Wario," Jing said, the light of excitement dancing in his eyes.

"What?" Wario asked, still staring at his feet.

"How would you like to help me steal the most incredible treasure the world has ever seen?"

"What is it?" Waluigi asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Something called the triple-deluxe-ultra-insane-power-pail." Jing replied.

Waluigi laughed.

"I'm serious!" Jing said, his voice going up an octave.

"OK, OK, I'm done laughing," Waluigi said. "Of course we'll help you."

So, they set off. They reached the tower in the middle of the city and were faced with a large problem.

"How are we supposed to get through this brick wall?" Wario asked, kicking the wall in question and hurting his foot.

"Easy!" Jing said, and attached Kir to his arm.

He drew a deep breath and yelled at the top of his lungs, "KIIIIIIIIIR ROYAAAAALE!"

A beam of light blasted through the albatross's mouth and shattered the wall into a million pieces.

Waluigi's jaw dropped. "How…Wha-GAAAH!"

"I know exactly how you feel," Jing said, grinning, and walked through the mess.

The team reached the top of the tower, out of breath, and was blocked by a monster with nine eyes.

"HE WHO WISHES TO PASS MUST ANSWER THIS QUESTION!" he thundered.

"OK, shoot," said Jing, sounding a lot braver then he felt.

"Am I pretty?" the nine-eyed monster said, suddenly demure.

Waluigi looked at Wario, who looked at Jing, who looked at the monster. They fell about laughing.

"Sorry," the monster said. "I can never resist a chance to confuse people."

He moved out of the way and let them pass, still grinning.

The team entered a long room. In a pedestal in the center sat…

"The triple-deluxe-ultra-insane-power-pail!" Jing gasped. He took it from it's perch and shoved it in his pocket.

"Come on Kir!" he yelled. "If we sell this soon, we could get something to eat!"

He ran off and jumped off the side of the tower, landing smoothly on the sidewalk in front of one of the restaurants.

"Well, that was great," Waluigi said. He grinned. "Let's go home now."

Wario said the magic words that made them warp back to the Jolly Jackal, and zoomed away to his house.


	13. Writers Block

Waluigi was staring at a piece of paper. He had been staring at it for a few hours and hadn't written a word.

"What are you supposed to be writing?" Wario asked.

"A five part series on procrastination," Waluigi replied.

Wario laughed.

"Well, I'm trying to think of a story about anything and everything," Waluigi sighed. "However, I can't think of what to write."

Wario sat beside him.

"Just put all your thoughts on paper and connect them," Wario suggested.

"OK!" Waluigi said, much more cheerful. Wario went off to watch "Loadsa Dosh" on the TV, feeling that he'd done his good deed for the day.

About half an hour later, Waluigi called Wario over to read his story.

Wario picked it up and read.

WALUIGI'S STORY:

One day, at band camp, there were two drummers who were eaten by Pac-Man. Their final wish was for the world to blow up in 3…2…1….

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" said the 2+2 Fish. It was Easter. I have Writer's Block. It is a cube decorated with pencils. When it opened, the Stinky Cheese Man popped out. One half became the Earth, the other, the moon. His blood filled the rivers and lakes, his hair became the grass and his body became the land. Meanwhile, the boss yelled at an employee. The ears of corn heard and woke up. Then, the world blew up like it was supposed at the beginning of the story.

Wario looked up.

"Well?" Waluigi asked.

"That's the worst story I've ever read, but I liked it," Wario replied.

Waluigi was happy again. He went to watch Loadsa Dosh with Wario.

An advertisement came on the TV.

"The end is near, friends," it said.

"But you can be ready by going back to…"

Waluigi switched the TV off. "What a load of rubbish," he grumbled, and went to bed.

Wario turned the TV back on. The commercial was over, but there was a Loadsa Dosh marathon on. Wario watched it for the rest of the night.


	14. The Mushroom Kingdom's Last Hurrah

Today was not going to be a normal day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Wario knew this as soon as he woke up to the smell of Waluigi cooking a garlic pie.

"What-ho, Wario!" Waluigi greeted him.

Wario groaned.

"You are way too cheerful for a morning," he muttered.

"Well, I'm in the middle of a caffeine high and I'm making the most of it!" Waluigi chirped, his eyes bright.

Wario yawned as Waluigi dumped the pie on his plate.

"Something's going to happen today," Wario said, eating his pie.

"You think so, too?" Waluigi asked, eating his own pie.

"Yep. I'm pretty sure."

Waluigi deflated as his caffeine high reached its end. He sighed.

"Well, whatever it is, we're probably ready for it," Waluigi said, thoughtfully.

"Yep," Wario agreed. They had a motorcycle, a crane, two lightsabers, a bucket, and a Power Glove.

The Wario Bros. finished their breakfast and left their house to pay Mona a visit. They met her on the way, stopping next to each other in the parking lot of her workplace.

"Hey guys!" Mona greeted them.

"Hey, Mona," Wario said. Waluigi couldn't speak. He had a thing for Mona.

"Guys, do you feel like something is going to happen today?" she asked.

"Yep," Wario replied.

"Well, we're ready for it," Mona said, staring into the distance. She ran off on her Vespa.

The Wario Bros. went to the Jolly Jackal to tell the Russians about the feeling.

"Velcome, Vario," one of the Russians said.

"Hi, Leo," Wario replied.

"Your Arving is extremely useful," Leo said.

"Yeah, great," Wario said in a rush. "Listen. Something's going to happen today, and…"

He stopped. Leo was holding up his hand.

"Ve know, Vario," Leo said. "Ve are going to position a space-time varp around this kingdom."

Wario stared at Leo, his mouth hanging open. Then, he turned on his heel and marched out of the bar. As he reached the outside, the Mushroom Kingdom's populace was warped to the restaurant at the end of the universe.

"WAAAAAAAUGH!" Waluigi cried.

"GAAAAHAAA!" Wario yelled.

The entire Mushroom Kingdom landed in a restaurant surrounded by stars.

"Oh my god," Waluigi heard Princess Peach say.

"Now, now, Princess," Toadsworth said. "It's all right. We could have been warped into the torture chamber at the end of the universe!"

"Excuse me, please," a green blur said.

The entire population of the Mushroom Kingdom got up to their feet and looked at the blur.

"If the party would like to order drinks, please follow me to the bar," the blur said. The Mushroom Kingdom followed the blur to the bar.

"Yes!" Waluigi and Luigi cried. There were drinks all over the bar. Behind the bar, a notice read "All drinks are FREE."

"EXCELLENT!" Wario and Toadette roared, and started drinking as much as they could.

The blur gave a polite little waiter's cough.

"Would you like some food?" he asked the party in general.

"Sure!" Mona said.

"Would you like to meet the dish of the day, madam?" the blur asked Mona.

"OK!" she said, excitedly, and a cow walked up to her.

"I'm the dish of the day," the cow mooed.

Mona stared.

"I'm good for steaks," the cow mooed.

"Erm…OK!" Mona said, and the cow went to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Luigi and Waluigi had challenged each other to a drinking contest. They each had a bottle of Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, and they were chugging away. Suddenly, the curtain rose on stage. A man was standing there, and he had a microphone.

"Heeeey, folks!" he cried. "I'm Max Attax, your presenter!"

The Mushroom Kingdom applauded. Everyone cheered, except for Mona, who had a mouthful of steak.

"Let's ROCK!" Max Attax cried, and stepped off the stage.

Waluigi and Luigi had finished their drinking contest and were singing a duet of Wang-Chung.

"EVERYBODY WANG-CHUNG TONIGHT!" they sang, out of tune.

Mona got up from her steaks and wine, and moved up to the green blur.

"Oy! (hic)! Where's the (hic) toilet?" she asked.

"Over there, madam," the green blur replied. "The toilet for human females is the fourteenth from the right."

Mona thanked the blur and ran off, a pained expression on her face. It took her a few tries to enter the toilet stall, because she kept bumping into the wall.

Wario was laughing and impressing Toadette with slurred stories of his escapades.

"Yep," he was saying. "I wennnt to the mine carrt, annnd I grabbed the key. Then I sssaw the chessst."

Luigi and Waluigi had grabbed the microphone from Max Attax and were singing Walk This Way by Aerosmith.

Toadsworth was asleep, Peach was eating some chips, Bowser was dancing to Walk This Way, Mario was sparring with Jimmy T., and Mona was on the toilet. Everyone was happy, singing, dancing, and making merry. The drinks were gone, the food was gone, and space was boiling away around them.

And so, the universe ended.

In Aviano, Italy, a boy looked up from his AlphaSmart, which is basically a keyboard with a screen. He stared down at his AlphaSmart and sighed.

"What's wrong, Matt?" his friend, Cory, asked.

Matt sighed again.

"I finished it," he replied.

"Good! So, what's wrong?" Cory asked.

"It's been fun," Matt sighed. "It's just hard to believe that it's finally over."

"Cheer up, Matt!" Cory said. "You could start on a new story!"

"Yeah…" Matt replied. "It's just that this story was some of the most fun that I've ever had…"

The bell rang. Matt and Cory walked out of the Honors English Class, talking of this and that. The AlphaSmart quietly turned itself off.


End file.
